Zach

"I'm no hero... I'm only a hero to my friends!"

- Zach

Zach is the main protagonist of Testicular Desperation and Jared's brother.

The News
Zach is first sighted in Testicular Desperation going to the bathroom after a night of eating Taco Bell. Nick yells at him to get out of the bathroom as it's been four hours and that he has important news to tell him. Two hours later, Zach leaves the bathroom and is informed that his brother, Jared, has testicular cancer.

Meeting Tyrone
After the upsetting news, Zach wanders about behind a local store where he meets Tyrone, who tries to sell him "''VeggieTales: Larry-Boy! And the Fib from Outer Space!". ''He refuses and explains to Tyrone that he needs money so that he can pay for surgery to fix Jared's testicular cancer. Tyrone decides to help him and they come to a conclusion that they must kill Nick to get the money they need. After talking, Tyrone noticed a dead bird and explains to Zach that there are seventy million drugs one can make from the corpse of a dead bird. Tyrone offers to make the drugs from the bird and sell them to get the money for Jared's surgery.

The Raid
The two meet up at Nick's house and raid him and his boyfriend, Ryleigh. Zach stops Tyrone from killing Nick, as they still need him alive to get the money. After Nick refuses their request for the money, Zach takes out a piece of bread and ruthlessly kills Nick with it. Zach loots Nick and takes all his money, noticing it has been labelled with "Nick's Dad ❤".

The Search
Later, Zach is furiously typing away at his computer, desperately searching for Nick's Dad. Eventually, Zach finds him and find Zach and Tyrone are being hunted by him. Zach sees Nick's Dad is friends with a person named Wyatt on Facebook, and goes on a solo mission, without Tyrone, to encounter Wyatt to find out where Nick's Dad is hiding out.

The Wyatt Encounter
Zach makes it his solo mission to find Wyatt and find out where Nick's Dad is. Doing so, he is informed that Wyatt has no money, as he spent it all on a bodyguard. After Wyatt provokes Zach, his bodyguard starts to try to destroy him. Zach, by luck, finds a plant Wyatt's bodyguard is allergic to and cuts his ankle with it, making him explode in large, fiery bursts. Wyatt attempts to escape but is stopped by Zach. He demands to know where Nick's Dad is. After Wyatt tells him, Zach brutally murders Wyatt, cutting to black.